Change.

I’m writing and rewriting this post even moments after having a full-fledged meltdown (crocodile tears and all) about this six letter word that sends literal chills down my spine every time I hear it. I’ve learned in my life so far that a strategy that works the best for me when walking through something I’m struggling with is writing about it. So here it is:

Change. It’s uncomfortable. The dictionary definition of change is “to make or become different.” Why does the word “different” feel so awkward and stretching? If you’re an old friend, you might know that I proclaimed 2019 was the year of “no fear” for me. I felt the Lord tugging on my heart to take risks, and do things WAY outside of my comfort zone. A few of those things included doing a missions internship in the Dominican Republic over the summer, starting my first ever salary-paying job as a 7th grade writing teacher, and even something as wild and crazy as working up the nerve to have a “DTR” (define the relationship) conversation with my best friend, and now boyfriend. 🙂 Obviously that went well.

So far in 2020, I’m seeing the fruit of my boldness because of the infamously terrifying six letter word, “change.” Although I DID start a new career in 2019, I also moved back into my parent’s home in August. I wanted to save up and prepare myself financially for what the Lord has for me in the coming years. Seemed like a smart decision… WAS a smart decision. I truly don’t regret it at all. All of that to say, even in the newness, there was still this comfort that I would always have my family to come home to at the end of the day.

But what would happen if I did something completely new? What if EVERYTHING changed?

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve struggled with the idea of change. One of my parents’ favorite stories to tell is about me and an old couch (and matching love seat) we had. The ugliest plaid couch you’ve ever laid eyes on used to sit in our living room, and when the spirit of Chip and Joanna Gaines began to reside inside of mom and dad, those couches had to go. But regardless of how ugly they were, I LOVED those couches. I had so many memories attached to them. I could not IMAGINE letting them go. When they broke the news to me, I did, in fact, cry my eyes out. (Crocodile tear style, once again.)  Something about getting rid of the old and bringing in the new just didn’t sit right with me.

As silly as that is, it’s still something I struggle with to this day. Not so much the couch — I’m over that now — but this concept of things CHANGING.

When I STARTED writing this post about six weeks ago at my favorite coffee house in February, I don’t think I (or a single one of you) had mentally prepared for a global pandemic. When I felt the Lord pressing on me to write this post about change I had no idea that the way society functioned as we know it was going to change course completely in a matter of weeks. I went from being the busiest person I know to being stuck at home seven days a week. (To my fellow seven’s on the Enneagram test – when I say I feel you right now, know that I FEEL you!) Anyways – let me back track for a moment.

As things got busy that day in February, I closed my laptop and left the post alone. I had small groups that night and class the next day. I had lesson plans due, essays to grade, and somehow in the midst of it, this post got shoved to the side.

Now, only weeks later, life looks completely different. I post a weekly lesson in Google Classroom on Mondays, and reply to student emails throughout the day as they come, but truly, on an hourly basis, my days are more free. In February I went from one thing to the next, hour by hour, every single day. I taught for 8 hours, would drive to East for small groups, would drive home and host a Bachelor watch party. Tuesdays, I’d teach for 8 hours, come home, grade papers, run to the gym, make dinner/meal prep, grade more, sleep. Wednesdays, teach 8 hours, go to the church, volunteer for youth service, go to Chick-Fil-A (a classic Wednesday night staple), go home. You get the gist – BUSY, BUSY, BUSY. Moving non-stop. And now, a complete change of pace.

Technically speaking, this should be my nightmare. My ACTUAL living hell. But somehow, in the midst of THIS change, the Lord has helped me find rest.

I began to dive deep into the Scripture, and the Lord starting reminding me of some stories and some people who faced change pretty heavily.

The first, sweet Mary herself. Yep, you know the one. The virgin woman who on a casual day is confronted by an angel and told ever so graciously, “Congratulations! You’re a pregnant virgin! BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE! You’re not only pregnant, your baby is… THE MESSIAH!” Can you imagine? I feel for this girl. How she handled the situation with so much grace still amazes me. I think if it were me, I would’ve had a stern talking to with God, and maybe even said a few cuss words. But not Mary. In the midst of her season of change (and a pretty dramatic one at that), she trusted God. She recognized that it was happening whether she was on board or not, and she had faith. I want to be more like Mary.

The second, one of my favorite biblical royals, Queen Esther. That girl was forced to marry a man who WAS TRYING TO KILL HER PEOPLE. Can you imagine just living your normal day, being chosen as a prospect for the King, and then finding out you were CHOSEN… oh, and also that he plans to kill everyone you love. Holy Moly. Talk about a change of pace. And yet, Esther trusted God even though her life was at risk, and did something she likely never had expected herself to do only months before. Talk about change being scary…

The last one I’ll remind you of is a hot topic of conversation at the moment, given the Easter season. My dear friends, the disciples. Imagine walking through life with Jesus, learning from him, praying with him, fishing with him, just simply doing life with him, and then you find yourself at dinner. Your mentor, the Messiah, and one of your best friends, casually slips into conversation that this is your last supper together until Heaven. EXCUSE me? I think I would’ve spit my wine across the table. I won’t credit the disciples with having the smooooothest response to this change, but given the circumstances, I can understand.

Sometimes I feel a little bit like Peter. I start to feel really confident that I’ll handle change well, and before I know it I’ve lied to myself, and I’m having a full fledged meltdown.

Here’s what I’m learning: change can be beautiful, it can be unexpected, it can be messy, and it can also be hard. But one thing I’ve become certain of is this: you’ll never grow anywhere unless you move. Change requires a step. It requires recognizing that what you’re experiencing or about to experience is going to be new and difficult and stretching and it’s choosing to move forward regardless.

I don’t know what change looks like for you right now. Maybe it means taking a step and choosing to find joy in the little things (even in quarantine). Maybe it means preparing for a change in location. Maybe it means ending a relationship. Maybe it means starting a new one. Maybe it means forgiving your sister, or trying a healthier lifestyle. Maybe it means finally putting your focus and time into that business you’ve been wanting to start.

Whatever the case, whatever the change, whether it be planned, or as unexpected as the change this virus caused — fear. not. (I am speaking this over myself, as well).

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

This is certain: no change in your life will ever come as a surprise to Him. Every plan, every change of plan, He knew. Find rest in that today.

He. Has. Got. You.

With love,

Madison

A year of conquering fear.

I realized just recently that fear has single-handedly been trying to take me down my entire life. So many opportunities I’ve declined, solely because I didn’t think I could handle them. The pressure. The stress. The emotions.
I have made a home inside my comfort zone.
So many friendships I’ve missed out on just because I was afraid to be fully myself. I didn’t want to risk the fact that they may not like the person that God made me to be.

But what would happen if I just decided to stop letting fear win?

This year, I proclaimed to be the year of conquering fears. Things I’ve told myself I just “can’t” do – I’m doing.
In February I applied to spend my summer with the Mission of Hope, an organization I love, but also happens to be exist across the ocean.
Now if you know me, you know I’m a homebody. I love my family. I love my house. I love my summers in Austin, TX. I love going to camp every year. I love family vacations. This – was definitely NOT something I ever thought I’d be brave enough to do. A fun thought to think and dream about, but something that would never become a reality for me.
But I applied.
And I was accepted.
And as of now, my plan is to leave everything and everyone I know for two and a half months and move to a culture completely foreign to me.
INSANE.

In April I plan on going skydiving for my 21st birthday.
Me.
WILLINGLY throwing my body out of a plane, in hopes that I land on the ground in one piece.
A little scary to say the least – but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never thought I could.
And now I’m doing it.
INSANE.

In May I’m graduating from my university with a Bachelor’s Degree in Education, which means that come fall of this year I will (fingers crossed) have a classroom of my own and be responsible for an teaching an entire grade level of students English Language Arts and Reading.
Imagine the pressure of that – knowing that if I don’t do my job right, I’m messing with potentially over a hundred students future educations.
It’s a lot of pressure, but is the fear of failure going to stop me?
Not this time.
…INSANE.

Jeremiah is one of my favorite books in scripture, and holds one of my all-time favorite verses: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11) This verse was given new meaning to me recently as I began to pray against fear; the Lord reminded me of what this verse promises. The first thing I noticed He promises is my future. He revealed to me through this that my primary reason for fear is the future — because no matter how much I study or search to grow my knowledge of it, the future will always be an unknown for me, and that terrifies me.

Unsureness of what I’ll do with my life.
Where I’ll work.
Who I’ll be friends with after college.
Where I’ll live.
How I’m going to afford to live.
Who I’ll marry.
When I’ll know.
What’s next?

Fill in the blank — every single fear I have relates to my future. Most fears do. But the Lord promises us a future in Jeremiah, and not only that, but he also promises to PROSPER us. Prosper (I’ve recently learned) means to flourish – to thrive & succeed. He has promised that we will see fruit, growth, and success! When I read this verse again the Lord stopped me. “If I’ve promised you a future – and a prosperous one at that, then why would you ever fear?”

I’m learning the importance of fearing the Lord instead of the world. It says this over and over again in His Word, “fear the Lord,” but so often we are also told not to fear — to be bold and courageous… so what does it mean then to fear the Lord? Why would we?
I think Psalm 33:8 answers this best: “Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!”

Fearing the Lord does not mean that we should be afraid and worried, as if He would cause harm to us. No – fearing the Lord is to be in AWE of Him and all of His power. It’s looking at all He’s created and recognizing that He designed ME. It’s knowing that His ways are FAR greater than my own. To fear the Lord is to stand in awe of who He is and what He can do.

I’ve come to realize that when I shift my fear from being centered around the things of this world and my future, to instead the Lord and His goodness, I’m the most fearless I’ve ever been. There’s something about taking hold of His promises and recognizing that they are true that gives you this sense of unshakable foundation.

I think if we want to conquer fear all we really need to do is shift it.
It stops mattering where we’ll be, what we’ll do, how we’ll get there, and who we’ll be with.
He. Has. Me. And He has my future.
And He has yours too.
Hold tightly to that.

being the hands and feet of Jesus.

What does it look like to be the hands and feet of Jesus?

I think first, it means to love like He loved. I was reminded of the answer to this when I got to spend some time with my sweet friends Ken and Hanna a couple weeks ago. We spent our Saturday night eating tacos and Chinese food while watching conspiracy theories, and ended up making a spontaneous ice cream run. Shortly after ordering at Dairy Queen, Hanna, Ken, and I got to the window where we met our new friend, the blizzard expertise. My two friends could not stop bragging on the sweet girl who made their ice cream, and asking her all about her day, letting her know simply by their tone, and a three minute conversation just how valuable she was. The employees face lit up — a big ol’ grin all over.

Three minutes.
Two blizzards.
One girl, experiencing the love of Jesus without even knowing it.

My friends challenged me to recognize the importance of living and LOVING in the moment. Not for one minute did I expect any ministry to take place on our quick little ice cream run, and yet even the ONE person we came into contact with, they couldn’t help but care for. Han and Ken are living proof of a loving God.

What would it be like if we ALL loved like this – every chance we get?
The unfair professor who gave you the failing grade.
The girl who bags your groceries.
The neighbor with the dog that barks all night.
The sweet old man at your apartment complex.
The sassy 6th grader that goes to your church and doesn’t know how to use deodorant. (!!!)

What IF we loved them all the same?

I think secondly, it means to serve people the way that Jesus served.

It amazes me how many of my friends serve so willingly at our church. Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Tuesday nights, Wednesday nights, Thursday nights, sometimes even Friday nights — so many of my friends give and give and give of themselves, expecting nothing in return. Why? Because if Jesus went to our church he would most definitely be a door-greeter, or an auditorium host. A barista, security guard, or even a worship leader — maybe all three. Jesus would run pro-presenter, and take photos. He would make sure that the other volunteers were well taken care of and fed, and that the pastors had water bottles. He would coddle crying babies in the nursery, and lead small groups for 2nd grade kiddos.

They serve because they remember that JESUS served.

And these acts of service are not limited to just taking place at church. Serving can be in a grocery store parking lot, your university library, your best friend’s kitchen, or even the streets downtown.

I can’t help but think of the story in the New Testament where Jesus gets ready to wash the feet of his disciples and Peter asks Him “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” “No,” Peter protested, “you will never ever wash my feet.” But Jesus replied by saying “Unless I wash you, you won’t belong to me.” (John 13:6-8).

Jesus modeled that we are to serve even when it’s not expected of us — ESPECIALLY, when it’s not expected of us.
I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to be Peter in that situation.
Seeing Jesus show the ultimate act of humility.

I’m learning that in order to BE the hands and feet of Jesus we’ve got to be willing to go the extra mile at any point. We have to love all people – those we agree with, and those we don’t. Those we know well, and those who are complete strangers to us. We have to make the most of every moment and realize that each one of us was called to such a time as this. (So YES- I am saying that you were called to that late night taco bell run to love on those employees. That is exactly what I’m saying. Definitely not just a craving, but a calling – right!!!). We’re called to serve, whether that means being scheduled to lead worship in front of a congregation of ten thousand, or helping one friend carry their groceries up to their dorm room.

Something I’m learning is that Jesus paid attention to the details. He saw people where they were at. Broken, stressed, depressed, sick, overwhelmed. He looked at the details and wrapped His arms around them, lifting them up, encouraging them, and investing in them, whether they were on His schedule or not. No thing was more important than bringing value to people.

So what does it mean then to be the hands and feet of Jesus?

“And continue to walk surrendered to the extravagant love of Christ, for he surrendered his life as a sacrifice for us. His great love for us was pleasing to God, like an aroma of adoration—a sweet healing fragrance.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:2‬ ‭TPT

Love well. Serve well. Live well.

Xo,

Madison

ephesians 6:18. (praying without ceasing)

The way Jesus has been speaking to me is crazy.
Absolutely, undeniably, insane.
To start – my whole life I had heard over and over that you are supposed to have a carved out time, every day, where you go into your prayer closet and get before Him and pray. I’m learning right now, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that – if God speaks to you that way, please continue to do it.
But I think because of this expectation I had of a perfect, private, quiet time every day I felt like I was failing at prayer, which made me feel like I was failing at my faith.
In reality though, that’s not even the case.
Not even CLOSE to it.
In fact, I think I may be at the deepest point in my relationship with Jesus that I’ve ever been before.
Truly, he has become my best friend, in every way possible.
I think a lot of times we compartmentalize prayer, as something that we do at a specific time and a specific place. But when that was my mindset it didn’t matter how many days a week I spent in prayer, I never felt like my relationship with Jesus was progressing. He would speak, it would be good, but our intimacy felt the same.

But now with Jesus —
There’s such a difference between saying that He is my best friend and really seeing it. My best friends, I talk a lot about. It seems like every day I’m telling some kind of story about something they did, or a memory we shared. I feel like it’s the same with Jesus. I talk to and about Him often — daily actually. Now that He has become my best friend, I can’t help but talk about the memories we share and about the things that He’s done.
Rather than a carved out time each day where I compartmentalize when I should hear from Him, I walk with Him throughout my day. I start each morning and end each night in His Word – taking up maybe five minutes each time! DEFINITELY not enough to sustain me fully, but like I said before, I walk with Him throughout my day.
My morning drives to school are primarily my worship time, and rather than just choosing songs at random, I hand pick songs with declarations that I want to sing over that day. When the music is off, I pray over my day, asking Jesus to use me, to live IN me, to change my heart, to focus my attention — whatever the need may be for that day!
My afternoon drives home from school are a lot like therapy. I imagine Jesus sitting in the passenger seat of my car, and we just hash it out. I tell him the good, the bad, and the ugly about my day (as if he doesn’t already know). I ask Him for advice, and He gives it… and it’s good. Like really, really good. Like so much better than my roommates good. (love you Jo & Alexa)
When I’m overwhelmed, stressed, tired, sad, annoyed – I just simply say “Lord – I need you. I can’t do this without you. Give me wisdom and strength.”
Let me just say, it’s amazing what living in a state of constant surrender and trust can do for your mental and emotional health.
I think in the past I’ve struggled with relying on my friends to make me feel better, or to fix my problems when they arise. As great as my friends are though, even a temporary “girls night” fix doesn’t TRULY satisfy me.
They can’t bring me real peace.
Real joy.
Real contentment.
As cliché as it may sound, I only find that with Jesus.
My ultimate BEST friend.

“And pray in the Spirit on ALL occasions, with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” (Ephesians 6:18)
ALL occasions.
It’s wild to me that I had overlooked that verse for so long.

The way Jesus has been speaking to me is crazy.
Absolutely, undeniably, insane.
But hey, if this is what it’s like to KNOW the voice of God and to be in relationship with Him — I would not have it any other way.

white flag at half-mast

Here we are. It’s good to be back.

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2018 was to write more, and although I’ve written plenty more research papers, book reviews, and presentations, I’ve neglected writing here.

But here we are. And it’s good to be back.

I’ve titled this post “white flag at half-mast.”

This is a blog about something the Lord has been speaking to me for months now, but before I explain the meaning, let me take you back for a second.

About three months ago on a Wednesday night I was driving home from a church service when some frustration with God began to build up in me. I decided to turn off the music (something very rare in a car ride with me) and hash it out with Him.

The conversation went something like this:

“Okay God. Hey. Here’s the thing – I literally do not understand why this is happening to me. EVERYTHING else in my life is good. You’ve provided me an incredible job, incredible friends, incredible internships… everything else in my life is a dream. But this ONE thing, no matter the circumstance, you never seem to give to me. And I’m fed up. Every time I think I’ve finally arrived, I’m reminded of this one promise you’ve failed to complete. I don’t get it. I’ve given you EVERYTHING –”

 

Right then, He cut me off. I heard Him so clearly say “Everything, hmm? You say you’ve given me everything… but this one area you want to see me bless, you’re not willing to hand over to me. I’ll bless it when you let me.”

 

Ouch.

That one stung.

 

Here I am, thinking I’ve surrendered everything to Him, when in reality… the one thing I’m waiting to see Him bless, I’m not willing to hand over.

 

So I’m writing this blog to ask you – is there one area of your life that you feel like you’re lacking the Lord’s blessing? If so, can you honestly say you’ve fully handed it over to Him?

 

When thinking on this, I’m reminded of a story a Pastor once shared with me about a little girl and her pearls. To summarize, there was a young girl who had a beautiful but fake pearl necklace. Each night her dad would come to her and she would tell him how much she loved him, but when her dad would ask for her pearls, she’d reply saying “I love you so much – but I can’t give you my pearls.” Her dad would let her know that he loved her too, and that it was okay. The cycle continued for many nights, when finally one night the little girl, very distraughtly, agreed to give her dad her fake pearls. She said that she loved him so much, she was willing to give him her precious pearls. The dad appreciatively took her fake pearls, and though she waited momentarily, he later returned to her with a new gift – something better. He gave the little girl REAL pearls. It was a necklace that resembled her old one, but was indeed so much more beautiful, and so much more extravagant.

 

Every time I’ve heard this story I quickly realize that I’m the little girl, and that God is the father. My pearls are the one thing in my life that I just don’t think I can trust Him to take care of – I can’t seem to give them to Him. But I’m continuously having to remind myself that HE has things in store for me that are so much more extravagant and incredible than I could ever think or imagine.

 

So whether you’re reading this in the morning, in the middle of the night, or at 4pm… I want to challenge you to do this one thing: target what your pearls are.

 

The Lord called me OUT – my flag’s at half-mast. Here I am thinking I’ve done it. I’ve waved the white flag. I’ve given my all. In reality, I had forgotten that as a follower of Christ I need to surrender myself, daily. It’s not a one and done thing – it’s a lifestyle. I want to live in a lifestyle of surrender.

 

So my word of encouragement for you – rest in knowing that His ways are far greater than your own. He is our father, just waiting for us raise our white flags and hand over our pearls. Are you willing to do that in order to receive the blessings He has in store for you? I hope so.

-M

 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

A new year.

‘Tis the season for 172 blog posts and YouTube videos titled “What I learned in 2017”, “How to Live Your Best Life: 2018”, and the classic “New Year, New Me.” You can’t be surprised to see one from me, I’m a lover of all things cliché. Aside from my overall love for predictability, I truly believe that I’ve learned a lot this year, maybe the most I’ve ever learned in my life. I think that’s something to be celebrated. So. Without dragging this introduction on any further, here are a few things I noted in the year twenty-seventeen.

 

Forgiving is noble, but forgetting is naive. (“Wow, way to dive right into the heavy stuff.” I know, I’m sorry.) I learned at the very beginning of this year that although showing forgiveness and grace is incredibly important and noble, it isn’t always wise to simply forget the mistakes of others entirely. Sometimes forgetting can bite you in the butt. Don’t allow for your grace to be taken advantage of.

Contrary to popular belief you CAN say no to Chick-fil-a. This past semester I came to the cold hard realization that money does not grow on trees (Who knew and didn’t tell me?). When you grow up there’s not always money in the bank, and if you want for there to be money in the bank, you have to get a job. Going a whole semester with no job resulted in way less Chick-fil-a trips for this gal, and whole lot of learning how to say no to a twelve count nugget meal and some waffles fries. I barely made it, but here I am… still living!!!

TRUST YOUR GUT. In the beginning of twenty-sixteen I was doing almost the exact opposite. I suppressed nearly every gut feeling I received, but eventually this year grew to become the year of trusting my gut. It resulted in ended relationships, leaving jobs, declining opportunities, and quite a few tough conversations to say the least. In the end though, each painful leap of faith was and will be rewarded.

Confrontation cancels miscommunication. I am probably one of the least confrontational people you will ever know (well… was). If there’s a problem, 99% of the time I’m avoiding it and suppressing it, hoping that every issue will resolve itself on it’s own. In reality, that’s not the case, and typically when issues go unaddressed there is a rise in frustration that could easily have been cancelled if there was proper communication. This was something I grew in maybe more than anything else, and let me say, a short uncomfortable conversation trumps a life-long grudge anyday. Don’t leave room for frustration or miscommunication.

The boy/girl you thought was the love of your life may very well not be, and that’s completely okay! When you fall in love and there’s an ending of ties with that person, it sometimes feels like the worst thing in the world and seems like something you might never get over. Well, I have news: that is false information! FAKE NEWS! Here writes a girl who thought she was in love January of 2017, and now is writing to you in January of 2018 to say, I am not. And I feel good. I’ve rebuilt the muscle in my heart that felt torn at the time, and have learned that the word love can be misused and misunderstood. Regardless of history and heartbreak, I am ecstatic for the day that I can use the forbidden “L” word again understanding the true depth and feeling the meaning behind it.

Find comfort in the unknown. “I don’t know.” Three little words that used to send chills down my spine, I’m now able to say easily. It’s perfectly fine for me not to know what exactly my future looks like; God didn’t give us blueprints of our lives with the date when we first get hired for a “real job” or the date we get married, and certainly not the date we die. So why do we stress over the unknown instead of walking in faith knowing that the Lord has plans and is in control? It only adds wrinkles and I’ve rebuked those in Jesus name.

It’s impossible to pour out if you’re not filled up. This is something that has been taught to me numerous times but for some reason this year, it clicked. Can a car go without gas? Can you spend money if there’s none in the bank? The answer to both of those questions is clearly no! In order for me to spiritually, physically, and emotionally give of myself I have to first spend time filling myself up, just like I would my gas tank. That means allowing time for my physical body to rest, to dive into the Word and spend time in prayer, and even allow time for fun so my mind can rest emotionally! In my internship class a leader of mine shared a quote saying that we should “work from rest, not to rest.” FILL UP -> POUR OUT -> FILL UP -> POUR OUT.

Humility is not insecurity. I think the two are often confused, and something I’ve learned this year is that they are not one in the same. I caught myself demeaning my gifts, talents, and callings by pointing out my insecurities in hopes that I would not come across as arrogant, but instead humble. Truth is, there is also a major difference between arrogance and confidence. Rejecting confidence just as well as flaunting it (a sign of arrogance) exude insecurity and do NOT demonstrate humility. Known confidence without the flaunting of ones own greatness exudes humility. In other words, love yourself!!! Be proud of who you are!! Just don’t be a troll about it.

; )

Moments matter and time is ticking so show some love!!! I experienced not one, not two, not three… but four deaths in my family this year so if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that time is short. Hug your mom. Kiss your grandpa. Tell your sister you love her. We’re not promised another day so really try and be present in every moment that you’re in. It’s a learning process, but something I feel is incredibly important for me to work on. I challenge you to do the same!

 

2017 was one heck of a year. Growth and more growth; heartache and blessing. I’m praying and eagerly awaiting all of the incredible promises of positivity, growth, strength, and creativity that the year 2018 will hold. Let’s kick butt.

XO,

Madison

This Is Us

I have a confession. This weekend is my university’s fall break. Some students (if they’re really smart) might use this time to get ahead on some assignments or maybe work some extra hours. I on the other hand I have been binge-watching NBC’s “This is Us” for the last two days, and am only six episodes away from completing Season 1.

“That’s really cool Mads but why the heck are you writing a blog post about a TV show?”

Honestly, I only decided to binge this show because a couple of my girl friends wanted me to watch it with them. I had seen about a million posts from Facebook moms crying over every single episode, so needless to say I wasn’t super pumped to start it and to be honest I was really confused as to why everyone wanted to watch it. Who willingly watches shows and movies that make them sob uncontrollably?!? (Maybe that’s you, and if so, no judgement. That’s just not me. I’m more of a “The Office” kinda gal myself.)

Before I started the show, every single post I saw or comment I heard about it made me think “what the heck is so great about this show?!” Well… Now I think I get it.

The show makes people cry because it’s real. It shows real life issues in a real life family that is messed up, seemingly beyond repair. Without giving too many spoilers, the show brings to life relationship difficulties, facing insecurities, daddy issues, terrible health issues, heartbreaking life-long secrets, death, life, loss… it’s real and raw, and people love it because of that. It’s authenticity to a T, which is becoming more and more rare these days.

One of my favorite scenes so far (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!) is when Randall stood at the top of a building with a coworker of his. His friend looked at him, as Randall tried to encourage him not to do what he was about to do. The friend told him that he didn’t understand how he was feeling, because Randall’s life was perfect. As you watch the show though it’s very clear that Randall’s life is far from perfect, and when he explains that to his coworker it sort of talks him down from this moment where he almost ends his life.

The show is revealing to me the power of a testimony. Truth is, none of us are perfect. SURPRISE! Betcha didn’t know that. No one comes from this perfect background where everything is wrapped up in a perfect little box and every flower smells sweet. So why do we fake it so much? Why do we lead on that we’re so happy all the time and that life is always sunshine and rainbows, when it’s not? Real talk: When is the last time you answered truthfully to the question “how are you?” For most of us, it’s probably been a little while… why? Because letting someone know about our scars, our crazy families, our biggest insecurities, and biggest fears seems to be one of the scariest and most vulnerable things we could ever do.

But what I’m learning is this: vulnerability is beautiful. As human beings, we can’t walk through life thinking that we’re the only ones who don’t have our stuff together. I personally, through watching this show, have felt challenged to have more of those “standing on the ledge” conversations. I’m realizing more and more that I never want it to be said about me that I wasn’t “real enough.” I never want it to be said that I didn’t open up, or that it seemed as though I thought I was “too good” to hangout with broken people. No. It’s now my goal to spend time with broken people, and to let them know that I’m broken too, but also that I have a God that mends me together every day. I have a God that loves me despite my imperfections and despite my mess. “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.” (Titus 3:4-5). He loves me, even in my mess.

So. Be vulnerable.

Share your story. Imperfections and all. I can guarantee, when you allow for the Spirit to speak to others through your mess it is going to bless more people than it will bring harm to you. Let Him turn your mess into His message.

“Take the sourest lemon life has to offer and turn it into something resembling lemonade.”

This is real. This is us. 

 

 

 

 

depression. #realtalk

A few weeks ago I felt the Lord speak to me to write this post. I didn’t know what I was going to say, because depression is such a touchy subject for those who have struggled with it. I began to wonder just how many people have struggled with depression, and I felt a stirring to ask the question. So, I did what every other 19 year old would do… I took a twitter poll. The results of the poll are as follows:

The poll got a response from 98 people, and 23% of them are currently struggling with depression. You may be thinking, “okay well at least 77% of those who responded aren’t.” Not quite. As you can see, there were three options. There were those who are struggling now, those who have struggled in the past, and those who have never struggled. The percentage of those who have struggled with depression in the past was 43%. That means that approximately 65 of the 98 (66%) have previously or are currently struggling with depression.

I want you to get that. 65 people. Out of 98 people, 65 know what it feels like to wake up and wonder why.

“Madison why are you writing this depressing post on depression?” If the statistics depress you, I really can’t help you. It’s reality. People are hurting. BUT my real purpose behind giving you those poll results is to set you up for what I’m about to share with you:

I have struggled (to some degree) with depression, previously. I have been in a season or two of life where I just DID NOT GET IT. I knew God was real. I knew He loved me. I had heard time and time again that He had these amazing plans for me and for my life, and I truly wanted to believe that. But I was in a season of stuck-ness. I was unmotivated, and uninspired by life. It was like an internal battle, where one part of me was telling myself to just go do SOMETHING, and the other part would make me question what the point was to even do anything. It seemed as though I couldn’t really do anything right. My grades were below average (to say the least), I was tired of being single and needed the attention of practically any boy that would give it to me, my relationship with God was damaged because I didn’t spend hardly any time at all (outside of Sunday morning church) in the Word or in prayer; I was stuck.

However, one of the coolest things to me, is how God has spoken to me through the book of Job because of this season. One of my favorite stories in the Bible is now the story of Job. If you don’t know, Job was an incredibly faithful servant of God, and He lived so so well… up until one day. On this one day, Job had everything stripped from him. His livestock, his servants, his family — he lost it all. Shortly after that he also lost his health and developed incredibly painful sores all over his body. The craziest part about Job’s story to me though is this: Job’s wife went to Job and told him that at this point in time Job should just curse God and die. If we don’t put ourselves in the place of Job, we might think his wife is kind of insane and terrible for saying that, but if you really think about it, Job lost EVERYTHING and now even his physical body was suffering. If your family, friends, pets, and money were all taken from you and you got so so painfully sick, would you not even consider cursing God? This is what’s so amazing to me about Job… he doesn’t. He responded to the idea and said to his wife, “you are talking like a foolish woman” (Job 2:10).

Job had every right and reason to be depressed, to be stuck, and to be furious with God, but instead he still believed in God’s goodness, even in the midst of all his pain. Later on, after some conversation with the Lord in his time of feeling discouraged, Job realized really and truly how powerful and mighty God was. He was in awe of Him, and God blessed him 2x over because of his faithfulness. It’s such a cool story, and reminds me that there IS restoration, even when we feel like we are at our lowest of lows.

To those of you battling depression:

Here’s the thing — the enemy is trying to take you down, with every uninspired thought and every doubt implanted in your mind regarding your purpose and the purpose of life. Scripture tells us that He KNEW us. My favorite verse is Jeremiah 1:5 and it says this, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” IF THAT VERSE DOESN’T SCREAM PURPOSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES! He appointed YOU. He appointed ME. He set us apart. There IS more to life. 🙂 Ecclesiastes 9:4 says that “anyone who is among the living has hope!” The last scripture I’ll throw at ya is Deuteronomy 31:8, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Do not be discouraged. He was with Job always, even in the midst of his suffering. He is with you, and he will not forsake you. Find joy in that. 🙂

And to those of you who are not:

66% out of 98 people are or have struggled with depression. If you are one of the few who doesn’t, I have 3 pieces of advice for you:

1. Thank God, be encouraged, and find joy in that!
2. Still, be preparing yourself for stormy seasons ahead by rooting yourself in Him and in His Word.
3. Be aware of those around you, and understand that your words can bring life or death. Job’s 3 friends that came to visit him in his time of need were not beneficial in helping him thrive or pushing him to keep his trust in God. Instead, they were disheartening and discouraging him. PLEASE. Do. Not. Be. That. Friend.

Okay. If you read this far, thank you.

Be encouraged, and be an encourager. Find joy in the circumstances. Trust Him in everything. Don’t give up the good fight.

🙂

Psalm 27:1, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Galatians 6:2.

All my love,

Madison

Dealing with Loss

If you’ve clicked on this blog, first of all, I just want to say hi. Secondly, I want to say that you are loved more deeply and passionately by a God greater than you could ever imagine, and regardless of your reasonings for clicking onto this post, whether you yourself are dealing with loss, or you know of someone else who is, or maybe you just happened to click on, I believe that the Lord has given me a word for you, and I hope you choose to stick around and listen.

We are forty-four days into 2017. Only forty-four days. Throughout the course of these forty-four days, some incredible and tremendously loved people have passed on. First, my Great Uncle Tommy. A musical genius who loved and served the Lord for his whole life. He passed on the first of the year after celebrating the coming of 2017 just the night before with his lovely wife, my Great Aunt Charlotte. Second, a sweet 16 year old girl by the name of Ally. I didn’t ever get the chance to meet her, but she was a dear friend to some of my best friends. She was committed to serving the Lord, day in and day out, and wanted to share the love of Christ always. She passed away in an ATV accident on January 7th, but her legacy has lived on. On January 2nd, just a few days before she passed, she tweeted this: Ally was dedicated to having a joyful heart because what she desired more than anything was to live like Jesus. So the question is then raised, why would God allow such a terrible thing happen to someone so great and so dedicated to loving and living like Him?

On February 6th, one week ago today, another incredible young girl, Stephanie Nieves, passed away suddenly. Stephanie was a student at the church I intern with in Red Oak, and she was passionate about serving and loving others. After her passing, I asked a friend of hers what kind of a friend Stephanie was, and her response was this: “She always had a smile on her face. She was a friend I wouldn’t trade for the world. I knew if I ever needed anything, she was there. She welcomed everyone with a big smile. Her heart was kind, loving, and compassionate. She was everything you’d want in a friend.”

Once again, the question is raised, why would God allow such a terrible thing to happen to someone so great? Why would He take away people doing such incredible work for the Kingdom?

I wish I could answer those questions for certain, and tell you exactly what God’s plans are and why He allows everything that He does. However, what I can tell you is what the Word of God says, and that is this: “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory” (Ephesians 1:11-12).

We’re human beings. It’s natural for us to be angry, sad, frustrated, and even doubt God in these times of grief. Did you know it’s normal to doubt God? I’ll say once again that we are HUMAN BEINGS. We are incapable of understanding the will of God. But Ephesians 1:11 says that we are predestined according to His plan. HIS plan. The Creator of the universe withholds a plan so extravagant and pristine that we as human beings cannot comprehend it. That’s part of what makes the process of grief so difficult for us, is that we are unable to understand His timing. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalms 139:16 and it says, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Our lives. His plan. His timing.

I can’t tell you why God would allow people that we love so dearly to be here one second and gone the next. I can’t tell you why He allows us to feel the pain of grief. What I can tell you is that our God is still good. I can tell you that His will and plans are far more complex than we can ever imagine, and what that means truly is that He is able to take even the most difficult loss and turn it into an incredible gain in the Kingdom.

One of the most difficult things we can do in a time of grief and mourning is trust in the will of God. Sometimes it’s the last thing we want to hear. “Don’t tell me that God is so good! If God is so good, why did this happen, hmm? Why should I trust His will?” We’ve all been there. With aching hearts, sometimes it seems easier to just turn away, and to doubt God’s goodness. Let me just say this: the greatest comfort you will find in a time of loss is the comfort coming from the overwhelming love of the Father. His presence and peace will heal your heart in a time of grief if you turn towards Him. Psalm 30:11 says “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.”

To whoever is reading this currently and struggling with the loss of a friend or loved one: Don’t stop trusting Him. Find rest in His love. Find peace in His plan. Find joy in the midst of the pain. He is and will always be, good.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” – Psalm 100:5

Romance + God’s Will

Alright ladies and gents it’s time for a new blog post on the oh so exciting topic of romance. You might be thinking “alrighty it’s officially time for me to click off because the LAST thing I need is to read another blog post about love.” If that’s you, believe me, I’ve been there. Scrolling through Instagram and gagging at the adorable couple photos (mostly just because I’m bitter that I don’t have any to post… but we won’t get into that). However, maybe there are some of you who are now immediately tuned in, and believe me, I’ve been there as well. Scrolling through Instagram squealing at the adorable couple photos and then immediately pinning things onto my Pinterest wedding board. I feel both ends of the spectrum very deeply, so whether you’re eager to read on, or you’re moments away from clicking off, I’m asking that you just hear me out. 

Romance. You either love it or you hate it. There’s not really a whole lot of wiggle room in between. Regardless of whether you love romance right now or you don’t, I have a little secret to share with you: at some point, you WILL love it. It’s the way we’re wired as human beings. If you don’t like romance, you could possibly be struggling with a heartbreak from your past that has caused you to be a bit hard hearted towards the idea of love. Or maybe you have been raised in a culture of PDA and you just currently think it’s disgusting (I’ve felt this one). There are a million other reasons why people wouldn’t like romance, too many to list, and I get it. Sometimes love sucks. Sometimes people hurt you. Sometimes it seems easier to just do life alone. However, alongside the million reasons why someone might hate romance, there are also a million more reasons for why people love it.

To my romance lovers:
I feel you. You think that love is beautiful. When you see the way that he looks at her without her even knowing, your heart poops it’s pants. I. FEEL. YOU. When you read a post about how much the husband does for his wife just simply because he loves her wholeheartedly or vice versa, it makes you wanna find your soulmate and tie the knot real quick. To see someone so willing to surrender their life for another person, just simply because of love… it’s beautiful and inspiring and can easily cause us to long for that. We sometimes begin to rush the process and forget the fact that someone so important already portrayed the ultimate love all those years ago when He surrendered His life on the cross for you and me. We instead try and find someone who we are attracted to, and take that attraction and call it love.

Here’s what I’m really trying to get at — romance is a beautiful thing, but it’s not everything. Until we are able to recognize the TRUE LOVE, Jesus’ love, the love that we receive from someone else will cease in comparison and lack in fulfillment. Without first realizing that Christ loved us, romance will never be all that you want and expect it to be. Romance outside of God’s will for your life will not fulfill you. I truly believe that God has appointed the right person for each and every one of us to meet in His due timing, and if we try and push for the wrong person to be the love of our life, even if that person is really wonderful, it’s not going to bring the joy and fulfillment that we desire. Maybe you already feel like the wrong person is the love of your life. Maybe you’ve been dating for a long time, three or four years, and the idea of ending this relationship seems impossible, but at the same time, you know. You can feel it in your gut. I get that that’s a tough place to be. It’s heartbreaking. But can I get real with you for a minute?  You know what’s a bigger heartbreak than ending a three year long relationship? Ending a fifteen year long marriage because you were too fearful to get out when the Lord told you to. Now if this is you, please don’t think I’m trying to make a jab at you. That’s definitely not my intention. But what I want you to get from this is that when we listen to the Lord and commit to trust in His plan, and not our own, He gives us a life and a love far greater than one we could ever imagine. Psalm 37:4-5 says this: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.”

To those of you who are pushing for the right person, but at the wrong time: Know that the Lord’s timing is perfect. If you struggle with trusting in His timing — I’m right there with you. Sometimes I really do not understand why God tells me to wait for things I want right now. But again I’ll say that the Lord’s timing is perfect. He knows what we need and what we don’t in every season of our lives. He protects us from things we don’t even realize we need protection from. Just like Jeremiah 1:5 says, before he formed me in the womb, he knew me. He knows my thoughts. He knows my wants. He knows my needs. He is the ultimate Provider, and He will give me the desires of my heart when it’s the right time. I came across a verse in Lamentations the other day, and I hope it encourages you like it did me: “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.” (Lamentations 3:25).

To my romance haters:
One of two things is happening in you right now. You’re either cringing and gagging at all the love you just read about, or you’re not. If you are still sick at the thought of love and have already mentally chosen to remain single forever, let me just say this: your heart will soften in it’s due time. If you’ve been hurt before, know that healing is a process. Taking time is okay, and I truly believe the right person is out there for you. I believe that when the timing is right God will make it known to you who that person is. And although I know you’re most likely not trying to rush God’s timing at all in this area of your life, I will share again Lamentations 3:25: “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.” Seek Him, wholeheartedly, and He will bless you in more ways than you could ever imagine.

His will for your life is perfect. His timing is perfect. So stop worrying about Valentines Day, Prom, or the #ringbyspring. That being said, I’ll end with this: “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6).